I Wanna Still Be Me
by Ileana Mackenzie Collins
Summary: This is the sequel of, 'I'm More Than Just A Piece of their Games'. Read and review! that first before reading and reviewing this. Summary inside. :
1. Chapter 1: Change

_**Hi guys! I'm back. That took longer than I expected, am I'm sorry. Thank you for those you put me on Author Alert. :)**_

_**Enjoy and don't forget to review! **_

_**DISCLAIMER: I am not Suzanne Collins. I do not own the Hunger Games.**_

**Summary:**

**She looked at Deeno, straight in the eye. She grinned. "The Capitol can't change me," Ginna remarked. **

**Ginna's POV**

It's been exactly six months since that day; the day my world broke into tiny little pieces, never to be fixed. Six months since the last Hunger Games; six months since my -

No. I can't afford to think about them. I shouldn't think about them.

Ever since that day, Mom's nightmares turned from bad to worse. I got nightmares as well. Mom changed too. She was too depressed to sleep in _her _bedroom so she sleeps in the living room. She has locked theirs and…Caleb's…bedroom doors. She doesn't use her wedding ring anymore. She resigned on being a mayor. She covered, threw, or burned all our pictures with…Dad and Caleb in them. The only thing that she keeps is a pearl.

Mom only speaks to a small amount of people, like Haymitch, Aunt Annie, _our_ new therapist, Dr. Amoss, Johanna (on the phone), and Plutarch (who is on 'vacation' here)…excluding me. Dr. Amoss said that she will soon get over it like me. What he doesn't know is that I didn't. I didn't get over it and I don't think I ever will. I just act like I did, so that I won't have therapy sessions every day. Mom hates going to therapy, so she misses every single one of them. Haymitch thought of the idea of bringing therapy to our home.

Every 9'o clock in the morning, Dr. Amoss goes to our house and locks the doors and windows so Mom can't escape. Sometimes Mom leaves before dawn to escape, sometimes she just lays there and does nothing. I can't blame her.

From the three of us, Mom, Deeno and I, I'm the one who looks like nothing happened. After seeing his sister die, Deeno never spoke again, not a single word or groan. He doesn't go to school anymore. He just stays there; homeschooled like what I was once.

For two months after the games, I was homeschooled again by Aunt Annie. I rarely listen to her. One day she just snapped and yelled at my face. She never yelled at anyone before. "Listen here! You can just sit there and do nothing! I know how it feels loosing someone I love! I love Finnick, remember! But did I just sit there and do nothing?" She continuous, "You have a future! You are still young! Do not destroy your childhood! Stop being nothing! _They_ are a piece of you and yes, they're torn away. But there are still remaining pieces! What do you think Peeta, Caleb and Madie will think seeing you destroying your life!" I look up at her, hearing those three names that are removed from everyone's vocabulary. I have a reason to continue living. I know that if I'm happy (sort of), they're happy as well.

After those months, I returned to school. I always see Fin, with a crutch, managing the bakery. There are always stares coming my way; a larger amount of stares than on my first day.

I hid my two pocket knives on my socks, as always. I grabbed my lunch bag and gave a reassuring look at Mom before I leave the house. This is one of the days where she just stays at home, doing nothing.

When I reached the school premises, I headed to the courtyard. The first subject is always connected to the Games, including the 76th.

I sat on one of the swings they put in the courtyard, eating a macaroon. "Hey," someone called beside me. Fin sat on the other swing, his crutch on the sandy ground. The doctors said that the cut was too deep that they need to cut his leg and change it. But Fin refused, so he remained in using a crutch.

Knowing what he's thinking, I lazily threw a macaroon on his direction. He wasn't able to catch it and it fell on the ground. He bent down, grabbed the macaroon, and dusted it. "Seriously?" I said, slightly irritated.

"It's not yet five minutes," he explained, taking a bite. I roll my eyes. "Do you miss Deeno?" he suddenly asked, making me jump in my swing.

"I miss everyone." The words came out of my mouth.

"Even Purple?" I laugh silently. Purple is our codename for Violet Donnavan, the highschool 'Queen'. Deeno made it up last summer when everything was perfect. Since he doesn't study here anymore, Fin and I were the only ones using it.

"You know what I mean," I said, "I miss the old Deeno."

Fin laughed at a silent thought. "Yah. The talking Deeno." We talked at what felt like hours. Suddenly, the bell rang and students started to pass through the courtyard to their next class.

Fin gave me a smile, grabbed his crutch, and left. I just remained there. Most of the students, especially the underclassmen, whispered and gossiped as they passed me. Of course everybody knows what happened. We were on live television.

I don't care, actually. I just want this day done and over with.

Today went on slowly like what every other day feels. Slow. My last subject is Physical Education, which is now my favorite since they teach survival skills (I don't know why). I don't really listen to lectures since my survival skills had been already put to the test.

Today is Assessment Day in P.E. It is when students are put to the test. It happens twice and thrice a week and I love those moments. Unfortunately, _I _(and I mean that I'm the only one) was banned to use the bow and arrows, my Mom and I's signature weapon.

What I love about the A Day is that, I don't really take the test. I only take it every other week. It's because when I took my first three tests of the week, I practically destroyed every dummy they used. So while the other students take the test, I just _play_ all around the gym. The unfortunate thing is, Purple and I have the same class at the same time.

I entered the gym, wearing the P.E. outfit. I tied my hair in a high ponytail and readied the knives I hid in my pocket. Ms. Barnes, our gym teacher, blew a whistle and we gathered in front of her.

"So class," she said in a very loud voice, "today is Assessment Day." The class whined but me. I just smiled in delight. "I'll give you 15 minutes to practice then I'll start calling names." She blew the whistle again and the class scattered.

"Oh and Ms. Ginna (Mom and I don't use our surnames anymore)," Ms. Barnes added, "You'll join with the test today."

"What?" I exclaimed.

"Ms. Donnavan suggested that you should join us. I agree. It's been months. You should've got over it." I rolled my eyes and stared at Purple who is readying her bow and arrow. "You can use the bow and arrow."

I looked up at Ms. Barnes. "Really?" I ask, excited, "I'm not banned anymore?" She shook her head. I smiled on the inside and headed for the bow and arrows area.

I grabbed the other bow before Purple's best friend, Kesha, was able to reach it. Purple looked at me with disgust-annoyance. "What are you doing?" She releases and misses the target.

"Aiming," I replied and released. It hit straight in the heart. Most of the students came to look. Purple turned red with embarrassment of her miss.

"But…"

"Speak for yourself," I snapped and shot three arrows directly at the throat, chest, and heart. Students came to look again.

Purple rolled her eyes. "Are you challenging me?" I said, kind of bored.

"What?" she exclaimed. The students around us started whispering that Purple is scared. "Um, yeah. Whoever gets the higher score in the test, wins."

"If I win, you would stop treating anyone like garbage. No more being bossy."

"And if I win, you do what I say for a month."

"Deal."

**End of Chapter 1**

_**I hope you enjoy this. Don't forget to review. **_

_**Tell me if you want me to be your Beta Reader. :)) –I.M. Collins**_


	2. Chapter 2: Sunset

_**Sorry about the super long time. I'm working on a novel of mine, I'm needed at home, it's summer here and I have a 'sort of' a summer job. So, really busy. **_

_**But I really try my best to at least post one chapter per week so I can make progress. Thanks for those who favored this story.**_

_**Don't forget to review.**_

_**DISCLAIMER: I am not Suzanne Collins. I do not own the Hunger Games.**_

"You made a deal with Purple?" Fin asked as we leave school premises. He usually picks me up when he is off duty at the bakery.

"Yah," I replied, "It's obvious that I won, right?"

"It's really obvious since you have your signature weapon."

"And she's really not in that kind of stuff. All she wants she popularity, money, audience, blah!"

"Scores?"

"I was the first to be called and I got…52/50. They really had a hard time to top that. Honest."

"52/50?"

"Plus two extra credits for speed and confidence."

"What's Purple's?"

I bit my laugh, trying to contain a chuckle, "13/50."

"So she won't be bothering you anymore."

"She never will and she never should."

Fin and I hanged out in the Hob, chatting with Greasy Sae and her granddaughter, Cecalia. She's a very fun 13-year-old girl to talk to. She's always jolly and in a good mood. Sometimes I envy her. She remained really strong when her mom died when she was born.

"Wow," Cecalia praised, "you're really skillful."

"Thanks," I replied. Suddenly, Dr. Amoss appeared beside me, panting from running, obviously.

"Gin-Ginna," he panted, "Your mother, Ka-Ka-Katniss…"

"What about her?" I asked, worried.

"I just…" he started. He's speaking too fast I can't understand clearly.

"Hey, hey," Fin said, "Slow down."

Dr. Amoss looked right in my eyes, "Your mother is missing."

Dr. Amoss and Fin tried to keep up with my speed. "I just turned around to get some tea," he explained as we ran, "When I came back, she's gone and the door is wide open. Earlier, I noticed that she has something in her hand. She keeps on secretly playing with it that I thought it's the pearl. But I guess I was wrong. It was a bobby pin."

We reached the Victors' Village. "Fin, call Haymitch!" I ordered Fin, who is just catching up. "You," I said, pointing to Dr. Amoss, "call Aunt Annie." I separated myself from the group and charged in the house.

I entered the masters' bedroom. The scenery reminded me so much that tears attempted to fall.

I searched the room for any clue, always bumping into something that reminds me of Dad. I gave in and cried silently as I searched.

Mom hasn't touched her bow and arrows in months. There's no way she'll be going hunting. That's when it struck me.

I ducked under the bed, searching for a trap door. I felt a crack and pushed the door open. I felt what's inside. I removed my hand, covered with cobwebs. It's not there.

Mom's bow and arrows are gone.

I ran outside, not caring what the others will think. I headed to the woods, passing where the fences once stood. I just continue running, knowing where she is.

I step on the eaves of the Meadow. I saw her. She's crying silently on the very place where we have our picnics.

I looked around. A bunch or arrows are stuck at random tree barks. I walked quietly behind her. "Mom?"

She remained still. I sat beside her. "Mom," I said, "It'll be okay."

"Ginna, I'm sorry." I sat there, my mouth slightly open. I didn't…I didn't expect her to reply. I didn't expect her to talk to me. I was used to it, to her silence.

She looked up at me, face colored red. "I'm sorry." She said between sniffs, "I-I should've been the one who's the strongest. I should've been there for you. But I wasn't. You were the strongest. You were there for me."

I wrapped an arm around her, "It's okay, Mom. It's okay. I understand you."

"I-I don't think I'll ever be okay. First I lost my father. Then I lost my mom. (_**A/N: When Mrs. Everdeen was depressed.**_) I lost a sister, and a best friend. (_**A/N: When Katniss returned to District 12, she got really mad with Gale. And so, she doesn't count him as a best friend anymore.**_) Now I lost a husband and a son. You're the only one I've got, Gin."

"At least, we're here for each other."

"I don't expect you to forgive me." Orange rays filled the area. It's near sunset.

"You have nothing wrong, Mom. You just became yourself." Mom leaned on my shoulder.

"I love you, Gin."

"I love you too, Mom." We watched as the beautiful sun, set.

**End of Chapter 2**

_**So, I hope you like it. Thanks for those you put this on alert and favored it. I'm really sorry that I'll be updating rarely. I have another novel I'm working on and add some school work to that since on June, we're going back to school.**_

_**Please review. It may really help to hasten my updating. **_

_**Question: What do you think, will happen next?**_

_**Thanks to all! –I.M. Collins**_


	3. Chapter 3: Sigh

_**Hi, guys! I'm back. I'm really grabbing this lemon to make lemonade. In a few weeks, I'll be back to school so I'm using every time I have.**_

_**DISCLAIMER: I am not Suzanne Collins. I do not own the Hunger Games.**_

I came out of English class and headed to my locker. I opened the door and stashed my books in and when I was about to lock the door, someone came up. "I am sick of you."

I turned around to find Purple with her two followers, Asalla and Jen. "I wonder what happened to the bet?" I said sarcastically.

"I am just sick of you. I am just sick of you, your freakiness and your family!" People around us gasped. I just remained there, trying to calm down. "Yah. That's right! I am sick of the whole Everdeen- Mellark history! You and everyone you know, they are just so emotional and mellow dramatic! Oh! My dad and brother died. I think I can't live anymore!" she acted.

I can't take it anymore. I bent down, grabbed the knife, remove its cover secretly, and threw it in between Purple and Jen, making Purple stop in her babbling. Everyone gasped.

I joined the game and acted as well, "Oh, so you think that loosing someone you love is just, so easy." I turned dark. "Well, I don't think so! I think that you should be thankful! Why? You should be thankful that you still have ALL your loved ones, LIVING, beside you! YOU, DO NOT KNOW HOW IT FEELS! YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO LOOSE SOMEONE YOU LOVE! YOU DON'T KNOW! SO STOP ACTING LIKE YOU DO!" Before I knew it, I was crying my heart out. "BE THANKFUL, OKAY! BE THANKFUL! BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT FEELS LIKE!" I bent down again and snatched the other knife on my other sock. I attempted to run and stab it on Purple's heart but someone stopped me. I didn't care. I just kept on screaming that she doesn't know what it feels, while I struggle to remove myself from the person's grasp, Johanna's grasp.

"Shh, Gin. Shh," she whispered in my ear. I suddenly felt another familiar set of arms, hold me. I turn around and hug her, knowing who she is. Mom.

There was a piercing pain on my shoulder and I let go of the knife, feeling tired.

I slowly opened my eyes, my vision clearing. "You're awake!" someone exclaimed beside me, making me jump. I tilted my head and found Fin, cradling a 6-month old blonde, Marga Hawthorne.

"Hey there," I managed to say. Marga just stared at me with her onyx eyes. She looks like Madie except for her hair.

"Ginna?" a female voice said. I tilted my head to the other side. Johanna nodded to Fin and he left.

"When did you get here?" I asked.

"Yesterday morning."

"Where am I?"

"You're in the school infirmary. We can't bring you home yet."

"Why are you here?" I didn't mean to sound rude.

"I decided to make a visit."

"No. There's something else. I know there's something else." Johanna just looked down.

"There…there is something else."

"What? Tell me."

"You need to return to the Capitol." Once she said it, my mind clouded with thoughts.

"What? Do I need to participate in another Hunger Games, huh? Or do I need to—"

"Listen to me, Ginna!" I stopped. Johanna sat on a chair beside my bed. "Not that. There's a new president. Her name is Daffodil. The people call her Daphne. And…she wants to award you for succeeding in ending the Games for good. It's been 6 months and she thinks you've got over it. "

"Only me?"

"No, you're on a train tomorrow morning with Katniss, Gale, Deeno, Annie, and Fin."

"Gale and Aunt Annie?"

"Guardians." She looked at me straight in the eye, " Ginna, you can't skip on this one."

I sighed. "We have no choice, don't we." It's not a question.

**End of Chapter 3**

_**I'm so sorry that I rarely write now. I just got home from a cruise and I have a ballet performance tomorrow. But I will try my best to make it longer. And I will finish this fan fiction. Promise.**_

_**Thanks a lot. Please review.**_

_**Oh, and I've been thinking, since I'm also a Potterhead, I'll be writing a fan fic about HP soon. It's actually about his son, Albus. I'll just inform you guys. –I.M. Collins**_


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